The Beestonians

“Right, because of a cock-up at the library, not many of us got last month’s book – the Sean Hughes.” “We did – worse luck; gave up at page 10!” “Know what you mean.” “What about you, Kevin?” “I enjoyed it – it does get better after Chapter 2.” “Could I have a copy to read this month as well as The God of Small Things – hate missing out?” “Stakhanovite!” “Not as much as Claire – she must read almost as much as the rest of us put together, and she does that Book Crossing too.”

“Anyway, since most of us didn’t get the book, what shall we do this session – talk about our favourite things (cue tuneless singing) – I mean favourite authors; or books we’ve read recently?”

“Well, we could look at this questionnaire from Penguin Orange.”
“What, orange penguins? Sounds weird to me.” “No, shut up, let’s read it. Hey, you can win books! And a trip to the Edinburgh Book Festival for eight of your group, meet an and author, etc.” “Only eight here tonight, so we can have first dibs. Where’s Pete? Can’t come tonight. Richard? He’s often driving evenings. Ashley can’t always make it – it’s a long bus-ride from Edwinstowe. Guy’s not coming – couldn’t get a spoken copy of the book, and didn’t think it’s be worth it – he’ll be down the pub later.”

“OK, let’s see the questions. ‘Group name’? Ermmm – Beeston, second Wednesday evening – not much of a ring. ‘The Beestonians’ – brilliant, Claire – Beestonians it is. ‘How many in your group?’ 12 regulars, now Maureen’s gone to the Falklands; Beating Drum sometimes – she said she’s come back for The Poisonwood Bible. ‘What proportion of your group is a)male, b) female?’ We’re OK there: Adam, Pete, Richard, Kevin, Guy, Ashley male; Jan, Claire, Marie, Drika, Anne, Yvonne female. ‘Age range?’ Hands up… two each under 30, 30-40, 40-50, over 50. We’re doing well – really politically correct. We’ve even got someone with a disability – thanks Guy! No ethnic minorities though – unless you count Drika, she’s American…” “Belt up being frivolous. We are a good mix – remember Claire, Marie and Ashley left other groups because they weren’t as varied.

“We’ve got varied jobs too: computing at Boots; Inland Revenue Service; teachers, F.E., classroom assistant; sales at Experian; nurse; accountant; translator and tutor; Anne’s at Acas, Richard’s a taxi driver, Beating Drum works at the organic supermarket.

“Then there’s this bit about expanding horizons and social activities. Well, we went to that show at the Playhouse about the Truth and Reconciliation Committee in South Africa. And our post-group sessions at The Last Post are pretty lively; remember when Richard and beating Drum got into a really heated argument about the nature of evil? And our summer and Christmas meals at the Victoria with Christmas-present bookswaps.”

“Yes, the Victoria evenings are good. Remember last Christmas when poor Richard got the date wrong and we ended up sharing his dinner? And he turned up and evening later?” “Not to mention the time Anne ate that man’s olive because she thought it was free nibbles at the bar!” “Yes, lucky Yvonne doesn’t like olives – remember I took one from her salad and presented it in a napkin to him with humble apologies? He took it well (good thing, he was a big bloke).

“Anyway… ‘What books have you been reading, what are you going to read in the next three months?’ Which did we enjoy most? Birdsong was definitely one of the most popular; Madame Bovary too, and A History of Insects. We didn’t care for Chocolat, most liked Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (though I hated it – unconvincing characters, clunky prose); most liked The Shipping News – Guy didn’t, he reckoned ‘nothing happened’. It must make a difference too whether you like the voice reading it on tape. We divided opinions on some – like The Blind Assassin.”

“Remember our first meeting – we’d read Enduring Love; had a deep discussion, then Pete suddenly said ‘Right, marks out of ten?’ and Jan and Anne squawked ‘What? You can’t mean that!’ Funny, the men mainly thought that was OK, and the women couldn’t believe it.” “Pete’s an example of how the book group can change you – remember he’d never read anything by a female author; then he enjoyed North and South – next thing you know he’s reading Wuthering Heights and he’s never looked back.”

“What shall we talk about then? Our favourite authors? We know Richard’s – the D-word” “—What, Dostoevsky?” “—Ssshhh!”

What about books or authors who influenced us when we were young, who got us into reading?

Most of us liked Enid Blyton when we were really young (Famous Five and all that… but some, like The Faraway Tree, were really quite good; and they got us reading, like Harry Potter does now).

What else? Drika? The Nancy Drew books, then Dickens.
Claire? Everything – including cereal packets (says Marie, her mum); later, Catcher in the Rye
Kevin? The Williams books.
Anne? Too many to think of; Peter Abelard and Cider with Rosie in teens.
Jan? a Peacock book called The Fifth Chinese Daughter.
Yvonne? The Narnia books.
Adam? Steppenwolf
Marie? The Secret Garden

“But what about this competition – are we going in for it?” “What could we say?” “We could just say what we’ve been saying; I mean simply write down this conversation – after all, it gives as good a picture of us as anything.” “You mean stroppy and chaotic?” “Sod off, I mean lively and diverse – we are, aren’t we? We’re a mix of sexes, ages, backgrounds, jobs, characters – look at me, I’m as gobby as all get-out and Kevin here is much quieter – except when he’s playing in Monaural – we should go to their next gig – there you are, our next outing. Anyway, how about I write it all down as is, do copies for everyone, and if you’re happy with it we’ll send it to these orange penguins? OK? OK. Now let’s get to the pub.”

Recent reading list:

Your Blue Eyed Boy, Helen Dunmore
The Map of Love, Ahdaf Serif
The Blind Assassin, Margaret Atwood
The End of the Affair, Graham Greene
The True History of the Kelly Gang, Peter Carey
The Surgeon of Crowthorne, Simon Winchester