In the sticky summer heat unruly desires stir the blood . . .
For Catullus, the brilliantly witty and outrageous young poet, and Clodia, his older, married lover, a borrowed villa in Rome is a secret, illicit meeting-place. When they are apart, Catullus burns with desire for 'his girl', while Clodia goes her own way among his rivals. Other passions simmer in the heat: the streets threaten to erupt in political violence, hearts sour and contemplate murder, and love and hate are dangerously entwined. Catullus' jealousy grows as toxic as hellebore or hemlock. Poisoning is a Roman art, and there is poison everywhere ...
» Read the first chapter of Counting the Stars by downloading the Penguin Taster here
» Visit Penguin Tasters
The Carte Noire Readers
Watch a video of Dan Stevens reading an extract from Counting the Stars.
One
This is how it begins.
In the bolt-hole Manlius lent us: you remember it, of course you
do. Your blank, blind stare doesn’t fool me for a second.
You didn’t think much of it.
‘What a dump,’ you said that first time, looking around the
room while my heart thudded with the terror of having you
there. Cold fire ran over my skin. My hands trembled. Metal
clanged in my head as if someone were beating out a sword
there. It was so loud that I could scarcely hear the words you
said, let alone speak to you.
Manlius’ little villa looked out of place next to the apartment
blocks that towered on either side of it. It was a piece of the
country in the city, a remnant of family history from long ago.
It’s gone now. There was a fire – a very convenient fire – when
the slave janitor happened to be absent on his master’s business.
So no more villa, just a tasty, smouldering piece of land that
was immediately snapped up by a property developer. Manlius
probably took a rock-bottom price from him, not realizing the
value of the plot, and never suspecting that his steadfast old slave
might be pocketing a backhander.
That’s Manlius’ world. Slaves are treated well, and in return
they offer loyal service. Wives are discreet, faithful and fertile.
He’s only broken the rules once in his life, when he married a
girl who ‘wasn’t really one of us’.
You are such an innocent, Manlius. They’ve already thrown
up a five-storey building on the site of your villa, to match the
apartment blocks on either side. I don’t need an abacus to reckon
up the profit that the developer made. As usual the new place
has a handsome fac¸ade, and not much behind it. It’s built on air,
held up by a few beams here and there and a random scattering
of brick. It’ll fall down in a decade or two but until then it’ll hold
dozens and dozens of juicy tenants. They’ll be squeezed until the
profit gushes like blood. They’ll be crushed flat like bedbugs
when the floors collapse, or burned alive when fire traps them
on the top storey. That’s how we build in Rome these days.
Manlius’ little villa was planted in the earth, like an olive tree
knotted into its soil, taking flavour and colour from it. No one
had lived there for years, apart from the old slave. The fountains
were dry, and there wasn’t a single flower growing in the
courtyard.
‘We’ve got nowhere to go,’ I’d said to Manlius one day. ‘She
can’t come to my place. I can’t go to hers. It’s driving me
mad. Sometimes I think I’d rather not see her at all than carry
on like this.’
Manlius had the villa opened and cleaned for us. The slave
brought in bundles of bed linen, wine, a basket of cakes, a basket
of figs, and then he was told to clear off for the day. Even ancient
hobbling slaves can run fast enough to the market-place with a
ripe piece of gossip. Manlius knew I wouldn’t want the janitor
around when you arrived.
You weren’t quite as thrilled as I’d hoped when I told you
about Manlius’ offer. You weren’t used to poky little villas in the
wrong part of town. You stipulated that a separate room must
be prepared for you to bathe, dress your hair and restore your
make-up afterwards.
Afterwards! That’s my girl. Always so practical. You would
never go back to your husband smelling of another man, with
the carmine smudged on your cheeks and your hair in a rope
down your back. No, you played your part in the game which
had nothing to do with concealment and everything to do with
appearing to have made the proper effort to conceal.
You didn’t come alone. With characteristic discretion, you
brought Aemilia, not in the litter with you but scurrying along
behind in full view. She was quite recognizable, Aemilia, with
her strange eyes and loud laugh that went off like a fart at all the
wrong moments. I think she laughed like that because she was
afraid. She had plenty to be afraid of, didn’t she? Your husband
finding out, for example, and whipping her flesh to ribbons for
her complicity, or having her tortured to squeeze out the details
of what you’d been up to.
– Or indeed your fury if she used the wrong colour eyeshadow
on your lids.
But I think Aemilia was afraid of the whole set-up, where she
had nothing to do but cower in the next room with her hands
over her ears, waiting for us to be finished. She knew right from
the start that none of it was a game. We were in earnest: deadly
earnest, you might say. Up to our necks. You’d have to admit
that much, wouldn’t you?
Manlius put a roof over our love. Aemilia connived, tittered,
dropped things and made the place smell of fear. In fact, when I
look back, the only one who wasn’t afraid and who behaved
with perfect naturalness at all times was you.
That first time, I was pacing up and down the bedroom before
you arrived. Yes, really pacing, like an actor in a bad play. It may
be a cliche´ but it’s what your body makes you do when you’re
wound up so tight with love and fear that you have to keep
moving, up and down, up and down, because something in that
rhythm stops the choking of your heart in your throat. I heard
my own footsteps, but all the time I was listening for the heavy
slap of your slaves’ feet.
At last they came. I heard the shuffle of their sandals as they
steadied the poles of the litter to let you down. I imagined you
stepping out quickly, wrapped in your cloak. You wouldn’t want
anyone to see you as you flitted to the door.
I stood still in the bedroom and heard your footsteps. The tap
and echo of your toes and heels on the stone. It’s bad luck for
the bride’s feet to touch the threshold.
You’d already been a bride. I didn’t want to think of your wedding, of your husband waiting to lift you into his arms while the torches flared and the crowds shouted and sang, and children scattered to grab the nuts that were thrown to them. In a rush
of air your husband had lifted you out of your old life and into the new. Your feet in their saffron-gold bride’s sandals never touched the threshold on your wedding night. Your husband is a man of tradition. He’d have made sure that everything went
as it should.
Tap and echo, tap and echo. Your steps were quick and firm
as you entered Manlius’ villa.
‘The bearers had a hell of a time finding it,’ you said, staring
round with your eyebrows raised. ‘Aemilia couldn’t keep up;
I hope she hasn’t got lost. What a hole.’
‘Aemilia?’
‘Yes, Aemilia,’ you said impatiently. ‘She’s a genius with hair,
but she’s got no sense of direction.’
Your hair looked as if you’d reached up your hands and
knotted it casually at the nape of your neck. Natural; perfect.
Bunches of curls dropped from the knot. I hadn’t yet seen
Aemilia’s fingers at work, making nature what it should be. Your
hair shone. The shallow curve of your cheek was as perfect as
a shell.
You burned so brightly in Manlius’ villa. I could barely look
at you.
‘You don’t seem very pleased to see me,’ you said, unfastening
the pin to take off your cloak. Before I could answer, Aemilia
arrived, panting and apologizing. She’d had to run to keep up
with the litter, but even so she’d lost sight of it and taken a wrong
turning.
She dumped a big basket on the floor, and you frowned and
said, ‘Carefully, Aemilia,’ in the way I would come to know well.
Harsh, but intimate. Aemilia knew every crevice of your body.
She knew everything you did.
Aemilia was sweaty and out of breath. She looked like a clod
of earth, next to you. You let your cloak slip off your shoulders
without even glancing behind you to see if she were there to
catch it. She caught it, folded it and laid it over one arm while
she picked up the basket in her free hand. She vanished into the
little room that led off the bedroom.
I thought that the gods had infused your clothes with your
own grace. Your cloak could not help falling into exquisite folds,
even in Aemilia’s hands. You could not help being beautiful. The
hours you spent with saffron, carmine, chalk and antimony had
nothing to do with it.
You taught me all your arts in time. ‘This is the brush for
eyeshadow, but foundation has to be blended in with the fingertips.’ I
would lounge and watch you, not wanting to miss a grain of
powder as it fell from the brush – and yet at the same time I was
bored, bored, exquisitely bored, bored to death – yes, really
aching all over with it –
True boredom is next door to desire. It stretches you out and
makes you ache until you’ll do anything to stop the pain. That’s
before you learn that the pain doesn’t ever stop, it only changes.
I was alone with you and I was afraid to look at you.